you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
how can u be prego again
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
