I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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