Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
