Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
