who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
