found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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