Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
