i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
