He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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