Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
