ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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