Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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