Got a toothbrush?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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