god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
