True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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