Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
they're like a gay fantastic four
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
