chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
