and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
