never play flip cup with pint glasses
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
