the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That was an excessively violent trivia night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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