There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
