what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
