Are we in a gay sports bar?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
