I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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