i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
