Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
