Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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