I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
