Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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