I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
