fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
