And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
