I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
