dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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