Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
