You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
