I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
