and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
