I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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