even my farts smell like vagina
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
