You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
