i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
