So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
a search helicopter?!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
