how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
