Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
