We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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