That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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