had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
