i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
