So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
whose ass print is on the piano?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
