she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
