Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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